As part of the Parent Upskill Program offered to parents, the Student Counsellor Team is guiding parents through by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. This book provides practical strategies to help parents connect with their children and teach them emotion regulation skills.
At 69成人导航, we are a community that believes, “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.鈥� (Psalm 127:3) We understand the parenting journey can be an overwhelming one and we find solace in knowing we are not alone; that, our “鈥� help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:2)
Remember, you are not alone in this journey and seeking guidance from resources like The Whole-Brain Child can provide valuable support. The concept of the “river of wellbeing” is central to this approach, illustrating how mental health involves striking a balance between disorder or chaos and strictness or rigidity.
Navigating the River of Wellbeing
Imagine a peaceful river representing your state of wellbeing. When you’re in the middle of the river, you feel balanced, flexible, and at peace. However, veering too close to either bank can lead to problems:
- Chaos: This bank represents a lack of control, where emotions and behaviours are tumultuous and unpredictable.
- Rigidity: This bank represents too much control, where there is a lack of flexibility and adaptability.
Both parents and children navigate their own rivers of wellbeing. Recognising signs of chaos or rigidity in yourself or your child can help you move past negative habits and guide your child through difficult moments.
Signs of Chaos and Rigidity in Children
- Chaos: Crying, yelling, throwing items.
- Rigidity: Stubbornness, not sharing toys.
The goal for parents is to help their children become flexible, adaptive, and stable, and able to understand themselves and the world around them.
Whole-Brain Strategy #1: Connect and Redirect
This strategy reminds us of the grace, compassion and forgiveness God gives us as His children (Ephesians 4:32); and reminds us that our Lord is always with us (Deuteronomy 31:8). This strategy involves understanding the difference between the left and right brain:
- Left Brain: Logical, loves lists, and order.
- Right Brain: Holistic, nonverbal, focuses on facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, posture, and gestures.
Younger children are right-brain dominant, and as they grow older, their left brain develops more. When a child is upset, logic often won’t work in the moment. Instead, respond to their emotional needs first (right brain), then use logic (left brain) once they are calm.
Step 1: Connect with the Right Brain
- Physical Touch: A hand on the shoulder or a hug.
- Facial Expressions: Show understanding and empathy.
- Tone of Voice: Use a nurturing and calm tone.
- Body Language: Sit side by side to show support.
Connecting with the right brain helps bring the child’s brain into balance, making them more receptive to logical explanations.
Step 2: Redirect with the Left Brain
Once your child is calm, redirect them with logical explanations and plans. This helps maintain boundaries and address behaviour logically.
Maintaining Boundaries
It’s important to note that connecting with the right brain doesn’t mean letting boundaries slide. As Siegel and Bryson state, “Rules about respect and behaviour aren’t thrown out of the window simply because a child’s left brain is disengaged.” The key is to help your child connect with the right brain to calm down and be able to receive logic and language. This allows us to keep the boundaries in place by logically addressing the behaviour or matter.
Be Encouraged
Parenting is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and effective strategies. By navigating the river of wellbeing and using the Connect and Redirect strategy, parents can help their children develop emotional regulation skills and maintain a balanced state of mind.
The Student Counsellor Team
Find out more about Pastoral Care at 69成人导航.